Feeling Radiant + Insecure In Pregnancy

My perception on my big, pregnant body is assorted with every kind of emotion. They’re changing all the time and it bloody hurts my brains.

My hugest dilemma is that my body is now transparent and concealed all at once. Concealed as it’s the best excuse to hide away from the world but transparent as my colossal mid-section is the ultimate conversation starter.

Define insecurity: a lack of confidence or assurance; self-doubt:

Not much to it. Can you see how it places an emphasis on ‘within’, ‘self’? It’s definitely internal. What are the reasons for insecurity? How does it all come about? To be honest, I have no idea but I’ll give you my own personal contributing factors of insecurity in pregnancy.

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Let me start on the commentators. It’s amazing how people have the audacity to boldly state their thoughts on you as soon as your pregnant. It’s almost like we’ve all got a sign on our foreheads calling all opinionists.  For me, the word ‘big’ or ‘large’ are ultimate triggers and mixing those with an emotional female is a huge NO. Hearing it on repeat from what feels like EVERYONE really infuriates me. I’ve never really been objectified to this level by so many extremist mums – hopefully this tongue can hold another two more months.

Tiger stripes. I find it extremely inspiring how so many women can feel like total warriors after earning their stripes. Empowerment is NOT the first thing that came to my mind. All I could think of is how these damn purples ripples caving into my mid-section are permanently staining my skin. I put full effort into preventing these that I totally forgot about preparing myself to accept them. It’s easy to say that they’re for an amazing cause – which is true. It’s more so the continual process of embracing that fact that I find a struggle.

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Mantra to one’s self: Girl, you ain’t dead.

I don’t know about y’all but it is so damn hard to find clothes to fit my measurements. Short arms, short legs was bad enough now I have to try and make it work with the bulging belly. If I do find something, it’s either too uncomfortable to wear for over 10 mins or… I’m just too broke to afford anything labelled ‘maternity’. It really gets to me.

I’m my worst critic – always have been, always will be. Having that knowledge confirms that I, myself am the one who controls the way I feel. The world places a heavy influence on the way I feel but in the end I am the ultimate decider.

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Nothing to worry about ladies! We always have something to balance out the opposition.

Define radiance: sending out light; shining or glowing brightly.

Let’s embrace the positives. I know you’ve all felt it at least once in your pregnancy – just knowing that you’re the striking goddess that you are for nurturing life within. I’ve felt it, even if it’s only lasted the 10mins before smashing that Hunger Buster from McDeez.

Okay so I did mention clothes but there is a period where your clothes feel absolutely AMAZING! You can eat as much as you want and you have the best excuse for it! Plus no one really knows when you’re feeling extremely bloated because you just look pregnant. I really love taking advantage of this! It’s the best.

Had to save the best for last – my husband. He was the first thing that came to my mind. Never have I felt so damn gorgeous for carrying our LO – all thanks to him. He reminds me everyday how beautiful I am to him and how much I mean to him. He shows appreciation to me for all the things that I do in my daily life – even just for being me. While I fall deep into my anxiety and depressive states, he continues to carry me as he continues to emanate light with all those around him. He is definitely my rock and I can’t thank him enough for choosing me to spend the rest of my eternities with.

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People obviously deal with things in a different way but this is my experience throughout it all. It’s crazy how much of an emotional roller coaster ride it is. We all go through the motions of an endless journey, pregnancy is only a small segment.

I’m going to keep wrap my thoughts with you guys on this one short and sweet.

Thanks for reading!

         About The Author Maddy Palemene